So I was reading Cera's diary, and I got to thinking about how we're nearly adults now, how we're nearly moving away from our parents' houses, ready to get jobs and go to college and all that stuff... it's odd, I never would've expected this last year... I mean, as far as stuff goes, junior year isn't that bad. I mean, you've got one or two AP classes, which, yeah, more homework, but otherwise isn't so bad, and you've got PSATs and SATs, but other than that, it's not too traumatizing, schoolwise. I guess it's the anticipation. You kinda feel like you're just waiting for the blade to fall, but you also kinda feel like you're waiting for the warden to come down the hallway, jingling his keys until he comes to your cell and pronounces your freedom... a sense of both fear and imminent release. I kinda feel like we're drifting apart already. I mean, the only time we all had together was lunch, and now I'm not there, and we've already observed that none of us talk if one of us isn't there... do they talk even though I'm in Cosmetology class while they're all eating? And you know, by this time two years from now I'll be married, and that whole idea scares the shit out of me. I mean, I love Bill with all my heart and then some, but god... I always imagined myself the powerful woman in sensible shoes with the harem of concubines of either gender, and yet, here I am, ready and willing to tie the knot with my first boyfriend ever. And this is distancing myself from my friends, too... well, they're not friends. They're more than that. Comrades. We've bitched to each other about teachers and parents and passed notes in class for years, and been each other's emotional support, and been each other's buddies for nights out and commiserated with each other over AIM on nights when we had nothing to do. We've gone through drama and fun and all those little things that come with living our lives so close... Last year, we'd joke about going to the same school, living in the same dorm, and having rock-paper-scissors competitions to decide who takes the trash out, and now, Taryn's going to, in all likelihood, going to stay in Houston, I'm going to get hitched and go to either Austin or New York, Cera's going God knows where, and Lizziy's going to be in North Carolina. And Larry and Chris? Jeez, hell if I know. So it's just been weird, and I find it unlikely that it's ever going to get any better... I hope we stay together... that'd be cool, if Cera and Lizziy and I all lived in NC together, be neighbors. We'd have sleepovers at each others' houses until we were 40. Or maybe I'm just trying too hard to hold on to a piece of youth that I have to let go of? I hope not. I really do love you guys, you know. Can't survive three years of all the stuff we've been through without becoming almost family.
Playlist: The Beatles - With a Little Help from my Friends
Last five
Farewell! at 3:57 pm, Jul. 01, 2005
urf. at 10:33 am, May. 03, 2005
Trainwreck lady. at 10:16 am, May. 03, 2005
gvf hbb jnghvbh jlkm jhfgcc at 9:42 am, May. 03, 2005
My Dland is my dream journal now. at 8:43 am, Mar. 25, 2005